Ah, yes – Lesbian Bed Death (LBD). The scourge of many a long term lesbian couple. LBD actually happens to many long term couples, heterosexual couples included.
The keys to moving past LBD is this:
1. Make sex a priority in your relationship.
2. Understand your chemical make up (women have less testosterone than men, and consequently less urgency around sex) and don’t give in to “just letting her sleep.” Wake her up for sex!
3. Keep making sex a priority and desire for it be trumped by being tired or not wanting to “bother your partner.”
4. Remember that sex is the glue to any intimate relationship – it’s what differentiates you from friends.
For more advice (all questions submitted by viewers) check out my playlist, “Ask Dr. Frankie: Lesbian Love & Relationship Expert,” or go to my website: www.littlegaybook.com
Transcript of video:
Sophie from Seattle submitted a question and she asks,
“What are your thoughts on Lesbian Bed Death? As much as I try to stay connected to my partner, make sex a priority and change up our sex life, it [lesbian bed death} still happens. How do I fix it?”
So! Lesbian Bed Death.
Here’s what *I* about Lesbian Bed Death:
I think that if we don’t work hard at it, it definitely will take over any relationship, whether you are in a lesbian or heterosexual relationship. I think that intimacy and sex has to be a priority and it’s important, it’s the glue to the relationship and it sounds like, you have been making it a priority and you’re not sure why it still happens.
What I’m thinking is maybe, because we’re women…. it happens more in lesbian relationships because we have less testosterone.
So with men, they NEED to have sex! They have that need, and that urge and they’re going to make it happen… because they have that testosterone, right. We don’t. We’re sort of like, we don’t have as much, so…. They [men] will pursue it and pursue it hard, and make it happen….
Whereas WE [women] will sometimes be like, “Oh. We’re too tired,” or “I have the urge, I sort of want to, but I see my partner is tired so I’m just gonna let her sleep and not really bother her… I feel like I’m bothering her. So let me just let it go…” And one night turns into another night, turns into a week, turns into a month, turns into a year. And so on…
So, I think that you’re doing the best that you can…
Continue to prioritize sex and intimacy in your relationship and make sure to get involved with women who feel like it is equally as important, to prioritize sex and intimacy, because AGAIN it’s the glue in the relationship.
It’s what differentiates you from friends. Keep doing what you’re doing and make sure that you’re choosing partners who also feel like it’s a very important priority.